One day when I had been living completely out of my
parent’s home for about 3 years, I called my Mom at work in the middle of the
day. When she answered the phone
I said, “You are awful.”
Without missing a beat, she said, “ok, why?”
I replied, “because even though I live away from you and
there’s absolutely no way you would know about most of my actions and decisions
I still can’t do anything without thinking what would Mom say to that? Or how
would Mom do that?
She then said, “ well that settles it.”
Settles what?
“I’ve done my job right.”
And she did, she got it right.
Mom carried the tool box, the checkbook, and Comet brand
cleaner in our family. And she managed them all very well.
She didn’t just get it right, she wanted my brother and I
to get it right as well. As a part of that mission, she had, as most mothers,
certain sayings, to lead us through the pathways of life—
That’s right, I’m about to tell you what Mamma always said:
· Mamma
said:
· Never
get a job where you have to get by on your looks, but always look the best for
the job.
- · You
have to know the rules before you can break them.
- · Chin
up.
- · There’s
always something new to learn.
- · Can’t
never could
- · The
two things no one will ever take away from you are your family and your education.
- o
Get as much of both as you can
- · Stand
up straight—it’s good for you, and people will think you know what you’re doing
- · Brush
the back of your hair—you want to be your best coming and going
- · When someone
says thank you—the proper response is, “you’re welcome.”
- · Family
is family and family is everything.
Mom didn’t just say these things, Mom did them. She led by
example.
When she said there’s always something new to learn, she
led by example she took classes all her life. She learned bookkeeping, oil
painting, quilting, Disciple studies, writing memoirs and much more. She wanted
David and I to learn as well. In
addition to academics she encouraged us to take dance lessons, music lessons,
to visit museums and see plays.
In addition to the arts and academics, Mom insisted that
David and I learn “real life” skills too. A few of the things she wanted us to
learn were:
- · Perfectly
iron our clothes
- · Set a
formal table and eat at a formal table
- · Change
a tire
- · Sew a
button and a hem
- · Both
of us learned how to tie a man’s tie
- · In the
70’s made sure we both took typing classes at a time when there were no
computers—she said we could type our own papers in college and always have an
office job to fall back on…Little did she know that computer keyboarding would
take over the world and we never skipped a beat when it did...
- · Follow
a recipe and cook a couple of basic meals
- · Swim
the length of the pool
- · Write
a Thank You note
The most important thing Mom taught us, by far, was that
family is family and family is everything. In our core family, Mom was fierce.
She could have taught mother tigers a thing or two about protecting her cubs.
However family, for Mom, was a very big word. And not just
with my Daddy, brother, and me—with Mom, Family was a big word.
Family means first every
cousin and then cousins twice removed. It meant nieces and nephews, great-great
nieces and nephews. Most people cannot even name their relations this far
removed, much less visit with them and know all about their lives.
And then there was the family she claimed as family.
Friends we’ve welcomed in to our homes since the over the decades up until she
died who have visited with her and with us often enough to tell you the layout
of our homes over the years and possibly even the softness of the mattresses.
Like Daddy, she’s been “right there” for many of you, yet
not like Daddy at all. She didn’t officiate the weddings, funerals, and
christenings but she made sure the reception went well, she was the first to
hand you a tissue, a bobby pin, a safety pin, or an ink pen.
Always with style, always with grace, and always with a
hug.
Mom wasn't just Mom, Mom was Bernice.
My
step-son asked me once why I sometimes said Bernice and sometimes Mom. I
explained that she was more than a Mom, she was a force of nature, she was
fierce, she was a presence.
My brother David and I had a
saying for when we were going to have to tackle something challenging get
something done—whether it is was a petition, a fund raiser, a traffic ticket, a
waiting list or a cause that needed to be championed—we’d say, “We’re going to
have to go Bernice on it.”
Today is a celebration. We
celebrate my Mom, we celebrate Bernice.
I’ll always know what she
would say or how she would do it. We can all be inspired by the way she lived
every day with her chin up. This settles it. She’s done her job right.
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